University is a bit of a rollercoaster. So much happens in such a small space of time. Some parts are boring ascents and others are adrenaline pumping drops. I feel that the best rollercoasters, though, are the ones that start well and end better.
So, what happens when the ride doesn’t even really end? When It just kind of stops? You are left feeling like it wasn’t really worth it. Like the whole thing has just been a little anticlimactic. My university experience ended a lot like this. All build up with no real ending. No momentous handing in of my last assignment, celebrating with friends, or excitement of where life went next.
Instead, I was told I should stay indoors, do the best I can and see what happens. The realisation of this loss didn’t really hit me until my November graduation ceremony got cancelled. I had been denying that Covid would last long enough that graduation would be at risk. I was angry that nothing more could be done or that I couldn’t do anything to fix it. I was bargaining in my head about whether an online graduation would be the same. I decided it wouldn’t be.
In other words I was grieving my lost final term and graduation. It then occurred to me that the stages of grief only work if ‘acceptance’ and ‘finding meaning’ are part of those stages. I needed to make peace with the loss and accept that there was nothing I could do. I was pleased with the grades I had achieved (despite only having access to ebooks) so nothing was actually stopping me from looking forward to my purpose.
Once I stopped looking back at what I had missed I realised that I had just been standing still on my walk with God. We are not given a choice of whether we are on the road, but Jesus gives us the choice to walk the road with him, progressing towards his plan for us. To those who have had the same experience as me, instead of looking back, look beside you and in front. See which way Jesus is calling you and walk with him.
Again Jesus spoke to them, saying, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.