Right, now here’s a tricky question for you. Could you love a murderer?
I have a philosophy: ‘To be known, is to be loved’. To know one is to love one and you can only love as much as you know. Recently I found myself musing as to whether there were exceptions to my rule. Could there be people who are unloveable, no matter how well you know them?
And for a minute, I thought I had one – or three. Murderers, paedophiles, wife-beaters. I mean, they are pretty sky high up there on my ‘bad people scale’. We have a national anger for what they do, and a fear that they may strike someone we love. They are at the centre of stories that shock nations, generate billions of pounds worth of press and bring up all sorts of feelings at their mere mention.
But. Could I love a murderer? If I really knew a murderer, and understood him. Could I love him? What if he had murdered a member of my own family? Can you vehemently hate what someone does, and love them at the same time?
I believe that we aren’t as we are, because we simply are (yup it’s a bit of a tongue twister, read that again!). That closed mindedness angers me. We are all mothers, fathers, sons, daughters, sisters, brothers.
Someone to someone.
Known by someone.
Understood by someone.
And all with the potential to do the most horrific, damaging, news-worthy things.We can get hurt, and painfully damaged. And as my Mum tells me -
Hurt people
Hurt people.
So could I love a murderer? If you took me to death row, and gave me time, lots of time. Time to talk, time to find that story that everyone has – the one that could reduce you to tears. Time to counsel, to understand, to know.
Really know.
To find that place at the very core of someone where it all went so drastically, damagingly wrong. To peel back the layers of hurt, hate and hopelessness. To look beyond.
To forgive?
Maybe.
These word’s are Anne Marie Hagan’s. Her father was hacked to death in front of her when she was only 19.
‘Forgiveness is not permission. It doesn’t mean that you agree with what the offender has done, or that they had a right to do what they did. Also, forgiveness cannot be conditional on remorse because that would mean we can only forgive those who are sorry. Forgiveness is recognizing that the offender is a human being who is deserving of kindness, compassion and love despite the harm they have done’
I am reminded of the words of forgiveness spoken by Jesus as he hung on the cross, a prayer to his Father using his last breaths: 'Father forgive them, for they know not what they do' (Luke, 23.34). He knew that his Father knew the people killing him, to the core, intimately. He knew that his Father loved them.