Whenever I deliver talks on dating and relationships, I always leave time for Q&A. Usually, there is one question in particular which stands out, and at a recent event this question came from a young man who asked:
‘As a single person, how can I help dating couples in my church?’
I think this question is great because it’s encouraging to know that this single man wants to support dating couples. My hope is that those dating in his church want to support and include singletons too.
Most of the time there is an unintentional divide between couples and singletons, and his question allowed us to explore why this might be and how we might change it.
Default Option
When Christians hear the word ‘Singleness’, their understanding is often ‘a special calling for some’, or ‘a burden’, or ‘a season’. But the words ‘Dating’ and ‘Marriage’ are often understood as ‘the default option’.
This is a problem.
Scripture teaches that building a truly God-centred lasting relationship is exceptionally hard (Ephesians 5:22-33; 1 Corinthians 7:1-5). Being single for God, for a short, lifelong or unspecified period, and honouring God in that is exceptionally hard (Matthew 19:10-12).
Neither is an easy option we can easily fulfil.
So I said to this singleton that when we forget this Biblical truth, and forget to support each other despite our/their relationship status, problems arise. We need to realise there is no easy default option.
Counter-Cultural
Much could be said about how this support could occur, but I think there is a very important and helpful counter-cultural idea:
Admitting it’s not always easy.
We seem to be bombarded with pictures that capture the ‘perfect’ happy couple, and with statuses about how immense someone’s ‘perfect’ life is. Yet no one and no couple is ever perfect.
By admitting this, we can begin to create a counter-cultural norm where people can admit they are lonely, or say they are having arguments. Then help can be found and/or given during these struggles and hard times.
Enable
So I said to this young man and everyone at the Q&A, that when we remember relationships and singleness are difficult and admit our own struggles, it allows others to do the same. This can enable us to help (and be helped by) dating couples and singletons in our church.
André Adefope is driven by the belief that all relationships are significant, good relationships are enjoyable and great relationships are God-centred. His co-written book ‘The Dating Dilemma’ and Relationship Dilemma’s charitable work, explores the vast and varied theological and practical issues surrounding dating, singleness and the Christian faith. 
